When I was kid I had so many interests. I definitley had ADHD in some capacity. I was a perfectionist in some ways and wildly scattered in others. I only cared about the things that I cared about. I was devistatingly harsh and critical of myself. I strove for perfection. I strove for success. Be it in performing in music, school, friend groups, sports and really any area that I saw that I could be valuable, I instantly levied expectations upon myself. I am an enneagram 3. If you do not know what that means, click here. My baseline is I achieve to be complete; but the truth is that never works. Becasue as soon as I stop achieving the value of my life is dismembered faster than a Porsche GT3. I have struggled most of my life with acceptance. It is something most people struggle with but what makes a 3 struggle with it is, they never belonged before the success or after. So there is never a solution even when you are winning. Learning how to use these parts of me has been a painstaking task. It has caused loads of people to Love me. It has caused those same people to walk away from me. It has given opportunity and opportunity to be taken away. What I know now, that has taken years to understand and longer to deploy is this. That regardless of my personality, community, responsibility, flaws, wins, hopes, dreams, insecurities, fears and all the other things that make me, me I still have a choice. I still have a choice. A choice to choose how I show up to all of these things and more. A choice to choose to love myself enough to lend grace in spite of the "pain" that comes with missing my own expectations. A choice to choose to value my worth in my personhood versus what I complete and pursue. Learning how to navigate being an ambitious human has been such a journey but one I am grateful for. It has been a gift to learn how to show up for myself in all conditions. Not perfectly, but consistently. That is the secret. Nothing is perfect, yet if we just choose the next right thing somehow, we have the strength to keep moving forward no matter how loud our insecurities yell because they are wrong, and they are liars. Even if our insecurities are true, we are the only ones that give them weight to destroy us or hold us back. If choose to not give them that power, we get to be free. We get to experience love, pain and everything in between in its fullest value. What a gift. Because of pain, we can appreciate the good in us and around us. Because of love we can use the pain to propel us and those around us. Because of consistency we can mess up and still show up. Because of hope, the next right thing will always lead us to where we were going anyway. Sometimes, it just takes a willingness to experience life instead of hide from it. What a hider a 3 can be when he is afraid. Fear is a liar. You are capable. I am capable.
We can do hard things, together. Peace. Zack Schuyler Chief Vision Officer: FMG
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